So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
