Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
