Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
