he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
