Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
