You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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