That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
