You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
