I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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