i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
