i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Green mimosas i think yes
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
