He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
