Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
