In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
