so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
