I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
