Someone shit on the floor
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
