Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
