When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
