There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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