Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
she peed on how many people?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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