my room smells like sperm. sweet.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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