I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
