I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
