After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
