did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
