Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
