just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
