Swine flu. Run for my life!
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i think i just lost a toe
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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