my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
