I'm laying in your front yard are you home
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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