Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Randomize
