then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
dude. I can hear the air.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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