one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
