I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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