i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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