I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
