I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
