i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
