You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my shit smells like andre
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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