No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
