No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
