oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
