yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
