3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
