Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
