I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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