I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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