So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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