that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
